Should we take children’s toys away as punishment?

Your son swears at the dinner table, or your daughter is caught lying about her homework for the hundredth time – What do you do?

Grounding, time-outs, confiscating, scolding… we resort to whatever we think might be the best method to discipline our children. But the confiscation (and sometimes disposal) of our children’s toys/possessions is arguably one of the most controversial and hotly debated disciplinary methods. Should we take children’s toys away as punishment? And how effective is it?

To be honest, we aren’t sure ourselves – opinions are as divided as Trump and Biden supporters, so to help you make up your mind yourselves, we have listed the reasons for and against below.

Why we SHOULD NOT take away children’s toys as punishment

1. Parents run out of things to confiscate leading to no more deterrence for bad behaviour

There could be a time when you run out of things to confiscate. Many parents fall into a vicious cycle of taking toys away as punishment, the child misbehaves, so they take more toys away. Eventually, there are no more toys to confiscate! When there is nothing to lose… what will deter your child from bad behaviour now?

2. Children could resent and distrust their parents

Your children could feel you are unfairly punishing them. They may question whether you truly love and care for them which could lead to resentment and distrust. In the long run, your children could learn to be dishonest with you, as they will hide not just their secret possessions, but possibly their feelings and desires.

3. Children do not learn from their mistakes.

We all make mistakes, and mistakes are even good… but only when we learn from them. When you take away a toy for bad behaviour, your child may not learn from their mistakes as they could simply just fixate on the loss of their possession instead of reflecting on their actions. They may instead learn they only need to do the minimum requirements to earn their possessions back and continue to make the same mistake again.

4. Children could lose motivation to work towards their goals

If you worked hard for something, and it was taken away from you for whatever reason, you may begin to question whether there was any point in working hard in the first place to get it. This might lead to your child becoming unmotivated to even try and achieve their goals.

Why we SHOULD take away children’s toys as punishment

1. It is a good deterrent to bad behaviour

Many experts and parents argue it is a suitable and appropriate punishment for our modern day lifestyles. Most of our children and teens are obsessed with their playstation, ipad and mobile phones. They spend endless hours on there, and ultimately it is all they care about. You can certainly grab their attention by confiscating their technological gadgets which also leads to less screen time (which is an added bonus),

2. Teaches children to work hard for privileges

Our children should learn privileges are to be earned from good behaviour and hard work, and equally privileges can be taken away if you do not behave or work hard. Achievements in life stem from labour and effort, and allowing children to link a good work ethic or good behaviour with privileges will encourage children to develop self-determination, consistency and confidence to achieve the goals they need.

3. Teaches responsibility and self discipline

Your child would learn there are consequences for actions and they must be responsible for their own actions. This will give them the right frame of mind to succeed in school ensuring they follow all the necessary rules. It could even teach them the self discipline to stay on the right side of the law as an adult.

4. Gives children the opportunity to be grateful for what they do have

Like the saying goes: ‘you do not know what you have until it is gone’. Taking away something temporarily will make them appreciate things a little more. Humans NEED love, food and warmth. Our materialistic possessions like ipads and playstations do not fit into any of these categories and are ultimately privileges. Thus, taking away toys for bad behaviour gives children the opportunity to explore things we actually NEED versus things we WANT – an important life lesson.

And as a summary: here is an infographic to remind you of all the points mentioned to help you make up your mind on whether we should or should not take children’s toys away as punishment.

What do you think? Do you discipline your child by taking away their toys?

Leave us a comment below and join our discussion with other ‘Sharing Parents’.