‘Mum guilt’: a term which means feeling guilty in some way or another as you believe you have not done an adequate job providing for your children. A common feeling felt amongst all Mums and has been magnified by the pressures of lockdown. Feeling intense ‘mum guilt’ needs to be discussed; it can lead you down a dangerous path of anxiety , depression and self destruction.
Reasons why we feel ‘mum guilt’
There are so many reasons why we feel ‘mum guilt’. My most recent bout of ‘mum guilt’ stemmed from feeling incapable of helping my daughter when her eczema flared up intensely. Despite being told numerous times by health professionals and family members it was beyond my control, I felt helpless and responsible for her condition. In addition, I felt guilty for not being able to spend more time teaching my kids, cleaning the house properly, completing all my work tasks… the list was endless.
‘Mum guilt’ clouded my judgement and led me down a horrible path of self-blame, over-worrying and depression. Then I felt guilty for feeling guilty!
I was not alone. A recent study concluded mothers in the UK are feeling the pressure more than ever. Mothers are having to do an additional 31 hours’ housework each week than they did before the Covid-19 lockdown – and an average of 12 more hours of household chores than fathers. Mothers around the world exclaimed how tired they were trying to squeeze all of their daily tasks and duties resulting in less sleep, exhaustion and mental burnout. Although fathers felt it too, mothers were found to more likely take on the responsibility of the housework and homeschooling leading to ‘mum guilt’ and depression.
How can we let go of ‘Mum guilt’?
‘Mum guilt’ is actually a natural emotion since we only want to do the best for our children. Unfortunately, we just have really high expectations for ourselves, spurred on by perfect glossy parents on social media or TV. We have been duped to believe we can and should do it all. If we can change our mindset before our brain shuts down from mental exhaustion and overthinking, then we could potentially save ourselves from clinical depression and anxiety.
So how can we rid some of our ‘mum guilt’ before we explode?
1. Lower your goals with your children
Yes, children need love, attention and education, but your mental health comes first. Without your sanity, your kids will not be able to thrive. Lower your goals with education to relieve pressure for yourself. At the end of the day, I ask my children one thing they have learnt, and it can be in any topic. If they can clearly explain that one thing, then I take it as a ‘win’ for their daily education goals.
2. Don’t believe what you see on social media or how other parents are coping
The hype of the perfect mum is a fad. I have worked with a number of wealthy parents who can afford a chef, maids, tutors, nannies… you name it. BUT they still complain about how stressful Mum life is. It just goes to show, even if you managed to find time do everything you wanted to do in a day – you will still feel ‘Mum guilt’.
3. Lower your own goals
Now is not the time to pile on more tasks on your to do list. Be realistic: you will not be able to fit in mopping the floor daily, home-schooling your child for 6 hours, spending 3 hours prepping and cooking delicious nutricious meals as well as responding to the 100 emails from work. Let some things go!
4. Sleeping is important – so prioritise it
Most overworked Mums are losing out on much needed sleep. Rest is important for both physical and mental health. In order to keep pummeling ahead at full capacity, we need to ensure our battery is fully charged. We must remind ourselves we are not robots and we should always try to prioritise our own sleep. Give yourself a break and go to bed early. It turns out not just children benefit from a bedtime routine – we do too!
Even the hardest metals can get worn down. There is no shame admitting you are unable to cope with the overwhelming amount of daily tasks. Do not feel guilty putting your mental health first. You are important too!
Are you feeling’Mum guilt’? Leave us a comment below and share with us your reasons why you feel it or how you have overcome it.
In addition, you might want to check out our post on how to survive homeschooling during lockdown.
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